a little help from my crazy friends

I do triathlon for a lot of reasons. Many are very selfish. I've talked about those before. I want to be stronger, faster, fitter, leaner. (all incredibly selfish). Though selfish, I think they make me a better person (not the stronger, faster, fitter reasons.. the calmer Zen reasons). Better adept at able to withstand the stresses of my little life in Boston, MA. Be a better physical therapist assistant, teaching assistant, friend, sister, daughter, and lover (god willing!). I make better decisions. I hope that I contribute to society in a more thoughtful way. All this because of triathlon you ask? Yea I believe it is. Triathlon calms me and allows me to gain perspective more than any other thing I know.

The other ginormous reason I do triathlon is the for all of the amazing personal connections, friends, and acquaintances. This was not part of the plan when I set out on my triathlon journey. I figured I'd make a few friends, maybe meet a cute lesbian and live happily ever after. Instead, on Jan 1, 2009 when I joined Team EnVision it changed my life forever. I have made wonderful friends and met the most amazing people. They have taught me patience, shown courage when tackling open water for the first time or riding on a new bike with clipless pedals for the very first time. They encouraged me to do my first Ironman and celebrated when I did. They train in the snow, rain, cold, and heat with me. They make me laugh. They provide that little extra push when I need it the most. This will be my fifth year on TE and I cannot imagine my life without these ladies.

This past Wednesday I did a 6 mile run after working 4 hours, then teaching for another 3.5 hours. It was the last day of my workout week before a rest week. I was exhausted. The driving had been terrible. My patient load has been not so good. It was my job to run the swim practice this week as our coach would not be there. Though I love this TE and these women I have to be "on" as I am a leader. After a long day at work the last thing I want to do is be "on". I got to the pool and parked and just made in to the pool and was inundated by my team. Folks were inpatient to hop in the pool and it was up to me to provide the workout. It took every part of me not be inpatient and snippy. I answered questions like a good doobie and leader should. My workout was terrible. I had nothing left to give. Though I got some encouragement from Laurie and Edith I left the pool feeling rather deflated. But then I watched the team swimming the last bit of practice. I watched the laughter and banter between two new swimmers. I watched two experienced and fast swimmers complete sprints. I could not help but smile at the diverse group of womyn that were assembled in the pool that Wednesday night. I arrived home happy and re-energized.

I have met a few pro triathletes, virtually chatted with amazing men and womyn across the world with which we have one thing in common: the love of this sport. We all find a reason to get up in the early hours of the morning, workout on our lunch, or workout after work...sometimes all three, because we have that drive. We all have different fuels for that drive. Some days I forget why I do it. But Team EnVision and all my "FB triathlon friends" remind me why on a daily basis. And for that I thank you. Some of you many never know how much you influence my life. How a quote you post can get me through a workout. You are all badass and I am proud of each every one of you.

Hey there 2013

The year ended with an athletic BANG! I participated in Miles for Marly. A fundraising event organized by CMSC (100x100). My goal was to swim 50-60 including a 500 yard warm-up. I did it, 6000 yards total! I kept pace and actually got faster towards the middle/end. WOOT. Over all I felt fantastic during the workout. It was an amazing environment. At this time pre-Vineman I had not swam more than 3,000 yards so I am way ahead of schedule and really do think I will improve my swim time this year!

My training with Tri Hard started yesterday. This week is test week, to establish my zones and baseline. This meant I would also have to do a bike test after swimming 6,000 yards. I came home after the event, fueled rested and did the test. I felt weirdly good. Today I went for an amazing 5.5 mile run. It's been a long time since I've run in the day light and forgotten how motivating the sunshine can be. I sang out loud, waved to my fellow runners and riders, glided through the snow, and bounded over snow piles. Something is clicking in my body again and I love every second of it. My workouts are not easy, by any means, but they are hard in a good-challenging way. I have regained some fitness and lost some of that early fall weight. I feel 100% ready to start my Ironman training. And I truly believe my sub-12 goal is attainable.

As I reflect back on this year most of my memories are of disappointment and challenge. I lost my job, quit another, got blown off by a girl, did not achieve athletic success as I'd hoped, I crashed my bike suffering a concussion with memory loss, and struggled financially for much of the year. Not to mention all of the disaster and tragedies that happened, far too many. It has been a long time since I'd had such a trying year. The big difference this time around is that I now have an amazing network of people who helped me get through this year. Team EnVision and all of its beautiful members are a huge part of that. In one way or another all of them, whether they knew it or not, assisted in getting me through this year. Some played a deeper role than others, some simply served as training partners that allowed me to not think for a period. I made new TE friends, as I do every year. Friendships got deeper. My non-tri friends continued to support me when I needed it most. My family was there for me. I asked for help instead of struggling on my own. My best friends got married. I found a new promising job that is local. I dated more. Some of those dates were crappy. Some ended before I wanted them too. Right now I have a budding something with someone. Someone with whom I feel my walls coming down around (those 10 ft tall steel walls 10 miles thick). Someone with whom I have already had a relationship discussion, who actually likes to talk about things! Who knows where this will lead. She may simply become a good friend, but maybe something more. The good news is that I am feeling again, more than I have in 4 years.

I have found my mojo and am back to the Kristi that was prior to getting laid off. The confident happy Kristi. I am, of course, stronger and wiser because of all of this. I would not undo any of it. I am smiling and laughing more and deeper. 2013 is going to be a good year. I can feel in all of my cells.

In the fall of 2010 I embarked on my first 140.6 race. At the time I had never swam more than 1.2 miles, ran two marathons, and done several long distance rides. Never completed a race longer than 70.3 miles. At the time I pretty much hated lap swimming. I did not know how to do the butterfly and could barely swim backstroke. When I swam 2000 yards in one workout I got pretty excited.

Fast forward two years.

I am an Iron(wo)man, two more 70.3's done, sub 4-hr marathon, a handful of swimming races, and o yea...I LOVE to swim.

I am over a month post bike accident. It appears I have made it through without any lasting issues. Knee pain is almost gone and only residual muscle issues in my left sub-scap (serratus?!). I am regularly swimming 2500-3300 yards at swim practice and for the first time ever swam 3800 yards of stroke. WOWZA My swimming has made leaps and bounds in the last three years. And I hope it is going to make drastic improvements in the next 7 months. Today I average 1:50 on my 200's without trying too much.

Today will be a good test as swam this am and will do a 6 mile run early afternoon.

2012 has been a rough year. Work uncertainty has left me with dents in my self esteem that not even triathlon could fix. Having triathlon and all it encompasses allowed me to ride that road and emerge stronger. I will begin a new full time job Jan 7 that is geographically closer and significantly more financially stable. My armor is whole again and my confidence is on the incline again.

I am excited about my future. I am excited for 2013 triathlon season. Excited to push past what I think are my limits. To discover new things about myself.

I'm baaaackkkk.....

The past two weeks have been weird. The first week following the crash I was in a daze. I felt better every day, the headaches were gone, but I wasn't me. It was like I was depressed, but simultaneously ecstatic about being alive. I could not express emotion. I laughed, but it wasn't a deep emotional laugh. I worked, but my heart wasn't in it. I was scared, terrified really, but I couldn't cry, couldn't process. I have no memory of the accident so it was like I was processing a story. The more people I talked to the more freaked out I got. The more scared that I had a MI or a seizure. I hypothesized about all of the things that might be wrong with me. I know too much dammit. I drank more wine than I care to admit. I ate Chinese food. And baked goods.

Then I spoke with a clear headed colleague. She gets that I'm an athlete. That I need to train to maintain my sanity. She understands my desire to know the etiology of my fall. I think maybe she gets me more that I previously knew. She listened to my fears and offered to do a stress test on me. In a kinder gentler way she told me to calm the heck down and stop being a hypochondriac.

I cried. Kind of.

I got angry. Kind of.

I processed the best that my brain would allow.

I had four nights in a row of ten hours of sleep.

I went to yoga. The mantra that class was letting go. I let go. I cried a little in yoga. I let go. I left a new womyn. Almost back to me.

I rode for a hour very slowly with friends. I was scared, but I did it. I got back in the proverbial and literal saddle.

The last five days have been wonderful. Maybe the best I've had in months. I swam 2800 yards this morning. It wasn't fast, but it wasn't slow either. I left the pool smiling. I've laughed and smiled so hard. I've ran and swam and lifted. I am not afraid. I've stopped trying to determine why. It's JUST NOT WORTH IT. Something might be wrong with me and if it is, it will resurface again. If its not I will live my life. I have big things planned for 2013. Big things planned for the rest of my life. I love my life in all its pain, smiles, laughs, tears, fears, and joys.

5th life?

So a thing happened yesterday. I woke up early-ish on a gorgeous and cool Sunday. My friend canceled our hiking plans so I thought, hey I'll hop on my bike for a nice little ride. I ate a bit of oatmeal and banana, walked the Buttons, ate a 1/4 of a hummus samich and hopped on Speedy. I felt a bit sluggish, but I was also hungry and had sat all day yesterday. But I didn't care, the goal was time not speed or intensity, the sun was shining and it was a cool fall day and I was on my bike...its base training after all! I remember going through the rotary onto W. Rox Parkway and bearing left onto Newton Street. Then there is nothing. NOTHING until I woke up in Beth Israel Deaconess ER. At first I thought I was dreaming or watching a movie. Stuff started coming back. I remembered my name. And saw that I was wearing spandex. I remembered that I was riding earlier and that it was cold. I realized that this was real and that I was in the ER for some reason and that my head really really hurt. I alerted a nurse and got some Tyelenol. Then I remembered my parents phone number. Thank GOD they haven't changed it in 20 years! Stupidly I forgot to grab my ROAD ID from car, the one day I needed it. After some phone tag we got in contact with Jamie (my sister). Eventually, Pedro picked me up and transported me home. For some reason they had my gurney in the hall near the nurses station. I was watching all the super cute nurses and interacting with some staff.I was charming and tried to recruit to TE. For a while I couldn't remember where I worked. Slowly things came back. Today, I remember everything except the actual event thru "coming to" in the ER. I gave someone my name and DOB. I rode in an ambulance, had a CT scan, and an IV placed. No memory people. Nuthin. And this scares me. The brain can do weird things to protect us. It was needed elsewhere, maybe I went into protection mode. Who knows. The important thing is that I am relatively ok. I am scared about the memory loss. I am scared that I lost control of my bike for no apparent reason. Numerous riders have reassured me that I probably hit something (a stick, a rock, a bump) and over corrected. This could have thrown me enough to cause a fall, especially if I was in aero. I am scared but I refuse to freak out. I will get a physical, have my heart and blood checked. My brain is normal (well physically, we all know I'm not normal). As soon as anyone who is anyone is my life found out about this crash they came running to help. I've had phone calls, texts, and Facebook messages. I've been given TLC by some of my favorites. This means the world to me and I feel so very lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. I have a gash on my left elbow, an abrasion on my left knee, some road rash on my left lateral hip, and some serious face abrasions. I am sore and stiff and achy Parts of my body hurt that have never hurt. But I am walking. And I am alive. I'm meant to be here for something else. Who the heck knows what that might be...I no longer guess at my destiny I just live it. And love it. As always I will heal and come back stronger and better. And live HARDER and more DEEPLY.

Let the games begin.

Yesterday marked Day 1 of Ironman Lake Placid training. The next two months will be base training. Less intense, but more intense than the last month. Strength and core building. Yoga. Short, sometimes fast runs (and by short I mean no longer than 7 miles). Short rides with some intervals. I start with Cambridge Masters on Tue. (YIKES!!) I will become good at the butterfly. And by good I mean better than I was. I will swim a faster 50 y in a swim meet. I will swim a fast 200 IM in a swim meet. (I know I know...I'm shocked about these too.) I will swim a faster swim leg in my 70.3. I will break 12 hours in IMLP. I will be stronger. Mentally, physically, emotionally. With greater endurance. I will be faster and more agile. These are my goals. I've been in a funk this year. It has been a tough year for a variety of reasons. The clouds, fog, and storm has lifted. I am focused again. I am feeling rested and excited to embark upon my 2013 journey. Good things are ahead athletically, personally, and professionally in 2013. I can feel it. When I'm focused good things happen. And darn it all....I AM FOCUSED.

Wildfish 1 miler

I've been in a funk. A funk that started when I was laid off and has undulated between terrible and lingering. The last few weeks were terrible. Part of it was clearly that my professional life was uncertain, partly that I'm lonely, and partly who knows. For some reason it all became unbearable in the last few weeks. In typical Kristi fashion I kept it to myself. A week ago Friday I made a decision to kick myself back on track. I went on a 5 day cleanse: limited wheat, no dairy except yogurt, no alcohol, lots and lots of veggies, nuts, tofu, fruit, and water. I poured my heart into every workout even when I was feeling tired from work. I surrounded myself by friends. With each day I woke up happier and happier. By Saturday I was back to myself. I still feel a little lonely. I am SO dang tired of being single. (but that's for another day). But it's not suffocating. Today Becky, Laurie, Dave, Gretchen, Monica, Robin and I participated in Wildfish open water swim in Salem, MA. I did the one miler. The day was beautiful: low 70's, cool water, partly sunny, calm waters. We could not as for anything better!! It was a small race and well organized. I approached this race as a training day but also tried to push it a bit. In an effort to push my swimming skills I started in the front. I knew I would get passed and probably swam over. IMLP is a mass start and wanted to start prepping myself for this. hee hee. I did get kicked a bit, but swam on. I felt good and strong throughout. I pushed as I could. I passed a lot of people and even drafted a bit. I still cannot quite figure out how to regulate my swim speed to draft properly....something to work on. I added a bit of kick on the last .5 miles and again with each remaining buoy. I finished strong in 37:47. 50/98 overall...age group standing not yet available. Middle range...can I move up to upper middle next year......only time will tell. Not as fast as I would have liked (I was aiming for 30-35), but I did it and I had fun. For the first time during a swim race/leg I raced the swim. I pushed myself even when it hurt, I drafted, I maintained or picked up my perceived effort, and I picked people off. I am making baby steps with my swimming abilities and confidence each year. WOOT. I am so confident that I am going to join Cambridge Masters in Nov to boost my swimming speed, skill, and confidence. Two more 5k's, one 6 miler relay, RTB, and one century left.