Tick Tock and my o so sensitive swimming self esteem

Approximately two months until Vermont Marathon! I am getting so excited to race with my super awesome friends and have so many folks cheering me on! And in a location that was home for four years. I started thinking about how sloth-like I was in college. I went through some periods of pretending to be athletic, but man I as pudgy and ate and drank a lot! Now 16 years later I hope to run a Boston qualifying marathon. This season I am listening to my body even more than last year! I am finding it very difficult to fit my training in to the craziness that is my life this year. Most of the time I am doing it and shinning, but everything caught up with me a few weeks ago. I started dreading my workouts and feeling fatigued during even my short trainings. SO I skipped some workouts and took some ME time involving a delicious chocolate martini and burrito. The good news is that I have felt awesome in the last two weeks! I am up to a 14+ mile run and felt pretty darn good after it. The plan is to do a 15 miler this week. Actually, it was on the plan for today but I woke up with a bad head cold. BLAH. My hope is after spending a day on the couch I will be back to my old self! I participated in my first swim meet a few weeks ago. It was a crazy experience and I know there will be more to come. I felt like a fish in a fish bowl. I swam the 200 IM and 50 back. I got DQ'd on the IM but swam it in 3:35 n' change and :57:?? on the back, and a relay where I was coerced into doing back. Neither time was fantastic for most, but I was pretty darn proud of myself! Swimming continues to be a struggle for me. The slightest negative comment about my form can spiral out of control in my head and I suddenly think I swim like a dying fish. The night before my swim meet I made the mistake of looking at the critique of my swimming that our TE coach gave us. All of the filming was done early in the season and on Thur nights after having worked 12 hours. I looked and felt terrible during all of it and most Thur night swims. I have worked SO hard on my swimming form and endurance and am proud of my gains. I am also acutely aware that it is far from perfect, particularly when I get tired. After completely freaking out I took his advice to heart. In the last two weeks I spent time doing recommended drills and being more aware of my body position in the water. Last night at Masters swim I noticed a drastic difference in how I felt in the water and my speed. Maybe some day swimming will be easy for me. Until then I'll keep swimming. and running. and biking.