Long run block, Tour of Sufflandria, and goals of 2021

I had big plans for 2020. I had a great 2019 season with the Boston Marathon, Pumpkinman 70.3, Spartan Beast at Killington, and various other smaller OCRs and races. I was feeling strong and ready to kick ass in Sea to Summit; a race I'd wanted to do for years. I set myself up for a great season with a big run block and then a big bike block. And then covid-19 roared through the world. And through my life. I tried to train, I tried to find that fire but I was going through the motions. I'd cry during workouts or do them but at very low intensities. Covid-19 was still alive and well in my facility and my stress level was through the roof. I knew that I couldn't give training and S2S my full self. I made a big decision to defer. I did some virtual races, did a lot of hiking and trail running, tried to build strength, and used training to relieve stress and be the best me I could be for my patients. But more on that later. I am entered into Sea to Summit this year. 2021. A new year. A new me. I did 100 days of running/hiking from Nov-January and ran/hiked 100 miles in January. Most of the miles were running, but I chose to count hiking as Ill be hiking (hopefully fast hiking) up Mt Washington in July. I ran through cold weather, snow, and the dark. Most runs were in the dark morning hours. I learned that my body can handle that much running. I've trained it for that after years of endurance racing. I started with most days being half mile and a couple of threes, with a longer run on the weekend. Then went upward; in January most runs were 2 miles or more. I gained speed and strength. I am still not as fast as I was last winter, but I am feeling more fluid and stronger. I hit some faster intervals and I feel that I'll get back there. I just completed my third Tour of Sufflandria. It looks like I did all but one stage back in 2019. Last year I did it full power, known as nuclear. This year I finished the ToS with altered metrics per my coach. In the past I've tweaked the schedule a bit to accommodate my work schedule. This year I made a promise to do the stages on the day that the Minions laid out. It meant getting up at 4 am every day last week and going into work a little later than normal some days. My body felt trashed some days. I wanted to go to bed at like 8 every night, but I did it. And I actually felt stronger on days 6 and 7 then I did earlier in the week. And I am doing it all at slightly higher power numbers. And on a smart trainer. On that note I bought a Kickr Core in November. Because I was mostly running Nov-Jan it's only been in Feb that I am feeling the full difference in training with a smart trainer. For years I used cadence/speed sensors to allow me to use Sufferfest and Zwift. Power numbers were estimated. Then I bought a power meter. I immediately saw a difference in training both inside and out. I hadn't been pushing myself quite hard enough. This year I have a smart trainer. There is no way to cheat. A few months in and almost a month in doing harder workouts with it and I am feeling a difference. I can hit the cadence targets most of the time at the prescribed power targets. I am super excited to see how this affects my racing and outdoor riding! I was adamantly opposed to power for a long time. I once read that Chrissie Wellington didn't use power. And if she didn't' need it then why did I. But times have changed, I am getting older, and everyone is using it now. I needed to grow with the times and technology if I was going to be able to compete. So here I am training with power and wishing I'd done it sooner. I have used running and triathlon to deal with my stresses and anxiety for my entire adult life. There have been times in my life where I am only happy when I am training or racing. It calms me, gives me more energy, and builds confidence. All thing that allow me to kickass in day to day life. I ran the 2018 Boston Marathon to heal from the tragic 2013 Boston Marathon bombings. When I crossed the line I wept and felt like I'd taken back the Marathon. It regained what it had meant to me for years. The covid-19 pandemic has changed me. Perhaps for the better, that remains to be seen. I have seen more death in the last 400 days than I have in my life time. I am fortunate, I suppose that I have lived this long before seeing so much death in my circle. But there I am, watching my patients and residents die. Caring for them one day and tomorrow they are gone. Watching my patients who were pretty independent on Friday suddenly need 100% assistance to get in and out of bed, to toilet. Watching them cry because they don't understand what is going on. Trying to comfort patients who are fearful and isolated, away from family and friends. Learning of a death and having to reset and treat/care for the next patient. Never really grieving, because we didn't have time to. Because opening up those wounds is too painful. Dealing with hate and criticism from the media and outside world when we were trying to build a plane while flying over an ocean in the middle of a tsunami. Sitting in my car and the end of the day to reset enough to drive home. Things are better. We know more. We are wiser and more careful. But I still haven't totally healed. I feel fire again when I am working out. I feel more like me. But I continue to have a cloud of sadness over me. Healthcare workers continue to be clad in full PPE for most of the day. It may seem easy. But it adds a component of discomfort to our day. the gowns we wear are essentially plastic, plus an N95 mask, plus goggles, plus gloves. I feel sweat pouring down my back and chest most of the day. Then you take the gown off and are freezing because you're clothes are wet. We spend 40 hours a week being super cautious at work for the sake of our patients, our family and friends, and for ourselves. We haven't seen friends and family in almost a year because we are protecting them. And we see people on the internets going about their lives as if we were not still in a pandemic. And we wonder why the fuck we are doing what we are doing. But we keep doing it. Because we love our patients. Because we believe that it's the right thing to do. Because we want to set an example. But it's fatiguing. I just want my life back like everyone else. I want to hug my parents, my sister, my niece, my friends. I want to casually walk into work and have a great day wearing nothing but my clothes. But this is not our reality. I had a moment a couple of weeks ago. I recalled how running the 2018 Boston Marathon helped me heal from that horrific tragedy. Although we are not out of the woods with covid-19 there is hope. To help me heal I am dedicating my training and racing to everyone I have personally seen die from covid-19 and to every healthcare worker I know and love. It will help motivate me to do my workouts when I want to sleep in or collapse on the couch after a long day. And I hope allow me to process everything that we all went through. And the end of the day as hard as this has all been; if I had it all to do again I wouldn't change a thing. "You're broken down and tired Of living life on a merry go round And you can't find the fighter But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out And move mountains We gonna walk it out And move mountains And I'll rise up I'll rise like the day I'll rise up I'll rise unafraid I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again And I'll rise up High like the waves I'll rise up In spite of the ache I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again" Andra Day Rise Up You're broken down and tired Of living life on a merry go round And you can't find the fighter But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out And move mountains We gonna walk it out And move mountains And I'll rise up I'll rise like the day I'll rise up I'll rise unafraid I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again And I'll rise up High like the waves I'll rise up In spite of the ache I'll rise up And I'll do it a thousand times again